Dog House W/ Patio

Its Midnight, Do You Know Where Your Waygukin Is?

There are a few ways to leave Korea. I shall tell you what they are along with their commonly reported side effects. By no means are these scientific and I do not speak for everyone when reporting them (but I'm going off what I've noticed and heard throughout my time here).

The first, and most common, way is to finish your contract and then get the hell out of Dodge. This usually is accompanied by a rude hand gesture and a thorough disdain for the country and its culture. The second is to tell your director that you are moving on (for whatever reason) within a month or more of your departure. A feeling of satisfaction and a hint of shame that slowly dissipates once you realize that you are leaving in a respectful manner usually accompany this method. The third is to pull “a runner.” An empty apartment and a pissed off Korean director is the only thing you leave in your wake.

This third way invokes a certain nostalgic smirk from me after working at Oakley. There is rarely a hint of warning before someone takes these actions unless they are thoroughly malicious about it. Case in point: I have met a few waygukins that claim they will leave after six months and never tell their director because, “What are they gonna do about it?”

I find this to be very disrespectful. I don't mean to sound high and mighty over my way of handling a short lived contract, but if you have to leave and you know it, why not get it out of the way? Of course I know the main reason for this is to not have to reimburse the hagwon the airfare for getting you here. But the residual effects of this action can be staggering.

If you were a director at a hagwon, and you spent a lot of money on an employee and then they just up and left you what would you do? It would take well over a month to get a fulltime replacement for that person during which time students may quit your school to study at another hagwon that has a waygukin. So you'd loose money, have to hire a part time waygukin (yes, they exist, though most of them not entirely legally), and then spend more money to get another waygukin out to Korea and possibly pay a hefty recruiter fee (usually the equivalent of a months salary of the recruitee).

Now think about the psychological damage that could occur. Would you trust another waygukin again? How is this going to affect the other hagwon directors? Will they trust their waygukins? Now other waygukins have to deal with a severe lack of trust in their hagwon because of some idiot who couldn't handle confrontation?

If you think I'm being overdramatic then you should know there's about one runner a month in this city alone.

That being said, I feel even more confident in my departure knowing that I am leaving on a high note with my hagwon and Korea in general.

On that note, here are some pictures I've been meaning to put up for you all:

This is a “security guard” outside Ulsan University. I apologize for the blurriness, but I was trying to be quick incase the flash woke him up… it didn't.

While walking through the University we encountered a group practicing a traditional dance. It was really cool to see the mix of tradition and Nike shoes at 2 am in the morning.

Ah, Carten Blausen… I was taught this game while in Germany and have now officially passed it on to Korea. The object is to blow only one card off at a time. Improvise on consequences…

After six months without playing the bass guitar, Dave Ayers emerges to sit in on a bands performance. This was one of the best things I've ever seen in my life.

Konglish shirts: its best to not ask why or what they mean. This is another American (we're rare here, no joke) Erin. Her shirt reads: “In a Quiet and Clam Atmosphere.”

Here is my contribution to the Konglish world: “Its Exciting! Jumping on the Air”
The small print says: “Comfort and Pleasure.” Still not sure why there's a picture of a car… My best guess is hydraulics, but I've yet to see that here.

What do you say?

Well now...

I apologize for the lack of posts lately, but I think you will see that it is for a good reason after reading this one. As my past few posts suggest, things here have been very stressful lately. But I have to say that these things haven't influenced me in quite the way that some of you might think. As a matter of fact, I've taken these events as a sign to make a change in my life, to take a new direction for myself.

So to cut to the chase, I will be leaving Korea in early November or late October in order to enroll in an Educational Masters TESOL (Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages) program that starts in January at Boston University. I know this may come as a shock to some of you, but I assure you that this is the right decision for me at this point.

So to go into more detail, here are a few of the reasons I've decided this:

1. The one thing I had expectations for when I got to Korea was that I was going to be teaching for a solid year. That I would get invaluable experience here and see if I like it. Well, that isn't the case. I've been baby-sitting for the past three-plus months and have gained minimal experience. That being said, I've realized because of this outcome that I want to teach, and not just play with kids. This has been a very important step for me.

2. Having realized that I will be returning to grad school in order to pursue this next step it has become apparent that I would be staying around for money. In other words, I'd be sitting around, making money and not really enjoying myself. This does not jive with me at all.

3. The cultural aspects of this country have been great and I have enjoyed it, but it really isn't enough for me to stick around more than I need to. I have no ill will towards Korea, my school, other teachers, or gimchi.

4. I found a great program that has open enrollment and is exactly what I want to go into and for many different levels. It's (pardon the oxy-moron) a blanket specialization. I am very excited to start my re-education. Since its based out of Massachusetts (a state known for education) the accreditation has reciprocity with 42 other states in the Union, giving me ample opportunities for placement in the future. I will also have the chance to be surrounded by some very important people in my life, to boot.

So yes, dear readers, this means that The Nuprin Diaries will have a few more weeks of existence, and then I imagine (Mark willing, of course) it will change names but remain operational for your access into my life.

I hope that you can all understand and aren't disappointed. I assure you that this has been a huge weight off my shoulders and I cannot tell you the last time I have felt so sure about my life before. I thank you for your support throughout these upcoming months and encourage you to write me an email if you have any questions that perhaps I didn't answer here.

Cheers,

Ryan

Glossary of a Way-guk-in: A Work in Progress

The following is an attempt to let my readers (um… you) in on some of the common lingo around here. This list is by no means complete or the extent of my vocabulary, but it highlights some of the more frequently used words and phrases. Some of it might be offensive, some of it is just a bit off, and some of it will be completely wrong. This is why I ask that you read at your own risk and do not base any of it on fact. I have tried my best to get things Romanized correctly but I'm sure that I'm way off in some areas. If you have a correction or question please email me and I will try to fix/ answer it. This glossary will be changed and updated as needed.

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Key:

WORD- (part of speech), Language [E for English, H for Hangul, K for Konglish]- definition: (which may or may not include a story or picture)
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BENCHWARMERS- E, (n)- a sports bar that specializes in Waygukin cuisine and activities. It is owned by a Canadian expatriate and is the sight of Wednesday Open Mic Night.

BUL-GO-GI- (n), H- literally: fire meat. A tasty dish that has fire roasted beef.

CANADIANS- (n), E- the overwhelming majority of waygukins here. [See also- Nuck]

CHAIG- (n), H- a book: “Please open your chaigs to page 72.”

ENGLISH- (n), E- the language I'm supposed to be teaching. Don't worry, I'm laughing, too.

GIM-CHI- (n), H- fermented cabbage usually served with every dish in Korea. This is Korea's contribution to world cuisine.

GnB- (n), E- the name of the hag-won I work at. It stands for (can you guess?): Girls n Boys.

GONG-CHAIG- (n), H- a workbook: “Gong-chaig pyu-la!”

HAG-WON- (n), H- a school-like program that specializes in one thing usually attended by students after-school. These can range from a Tae-Kwon-Do to a Music Hag-won. I am a teacher at an English Hag-won. Korean children attend many different Hag-wons from the time they leave school until they return home for bed. While these children are getting an education, the parents get daycare. This relationship makes my job interesting.

HAN-GUK- (n), H- The Republic of Korea.

HAN-GUK-IN- (n), H- a Korean person.

HAN-GUL- (n), H- the Korean language. It was developed by a great king and is considered to be the most logical language in history. I'm not kidding. It actually is very easy to learn, you just have to get over your own language idioms.

KONGLISH- (n), K- the mix of Korean and English, much like Spanglish. This term is used when one attempts communication between the two languages and only has a few words of one and is fluent in the other. A few examples: An English speaker to a Hangul speaker, “Two-gae mak-ju, ju-sae-yo.” A Hangul speaker to an English speaker, “Dul-gae beers, please.”

MAK-JU- (n), H- Beer. Sweet, sweet beer.

MUL- (n), H- water.

MUL-GO-GI- (n), H- literally: water meat. Seafood, in other words: “The mul-go-gi made Ryan go into anaphylactic shock!”

NABI- (n), H- 1. a butterfly: “What a beautiful nabi!” 2. The name of the typhoon that hit Ulsan September 7th, 2005: “What a destructive Nabi!”

NUCK- (n), E- another term for a Canadian. It's their version of Yank. It doesn't bother either countryman and is somehow still a hell of a lot of fun to call the other.

PYU-LA- (v), H- to open (as in book): “Gong-chaig pyu-la!”

SO-JU- (n), H- a Korean alcohol that is (from what I understand) 90% chemicals. I'm not sure how they make it, but it tastes like a bad vodka and cause your night to become increasingly more dangerous with each shot. I recommend that you stay away from this devil-drink at all costs.

TOMBSTONE- (n), E- a western-themed waygukin bar. Four Canadian expatriates manage this bar.

WAY-GUK-IN- (n), H- a person not of Korean descent.

WAY-GUK- (n), H- any country that is not Korea.

WON- (n), H- the currency of Korea. It should be noted that the current exchange rate is roughly 1000 won to 1 US dollar. It should also be noted that the largest bill that exists in paper form is 10000. Imagine getting paid 2000 a month US (roughly 2 million won), all in ten-dollar bills. I must admit, when payday comes I feel like a pimp carrying my wads of money.

I survived the butterfly!

I just wanted to write a quick hello and thank you to all of you have tried to get in touch with me after weathering Typhoon Nabi. Yes, I made it. To tell you the truth it wasn't all that bad. It felt like a very windy day in Chicago mixed with more rain and flying debris. The highlight was when the windows across the street from me shattered. That's when I started getting the plastic bags out. Very fun.

Other than almost being impaled by a rogue rouge umbrella it was uneventful. On the plus side, there's supposed to be another typhoon coming this way that's twice the size! It feels like I'm living back at Hellgate where we had avalanche threats daily.

Also, I have the first installment of my glossary up and running. Follow the link on the side bar to take a peek. I will be continually adding to it so check often if you're interested in that kind of thing.

They don't call me 'Hot Wheels' for nothin!

I woke up Friday to what I thought was my cell phone's alarm. It was chirping away at such an annoying pace and volume that it soon dawned on me that it was not, in fact, my cell phone but my doorbell (the two sound remarkably similar). Flustered, I grabbed a shirt and shambled over to the door. My landlady, though a sweetheart, did have a tendency to wake me up in order to give me the utility bill at an ungodly hour. I went to the door, the buzzer chirping at me even louder now, and unlocked it. Thank God, the chirping stopped. I instinctively looked down at where her head usually bobs in my doorway, my vision still blurry from sleep.

I was therefore surprised when I saw not my Korean Landlady, but a blue shoulder that had a distinctive militaristic flap with two silver leaves embroidered on a thin black band. I looked up into the face of one of two Korean Police officers and tryied to figure out why they were giving me my utility bill.

“Excuse me, can you ask us some questions about your bike?” he said in broken English but with clear pronunciation.

I thought about this for a second, taking in the second officer who had three silver leaves on each of his shoulders. He was glowering at me as if I had just punched his dog in the face and wanted to exact his revenge by busting his knuckles on my chin. I had never met his dog; hence I was very confused by this whole scene.

“What?” I croaked.

“Please come with us.” He commanded as I was pulled from my door in my boxers with barely enough time to slide on my slippers. They led me down the stairs, past my landlady who was looking at me sincerely. I gazed back and tried to tell her through my sleep-bended eyes that I was shocked and didn't understand why SHE couldn't have just given me the power bill. We stepped outside and Officer English pointed to my scooter and asked me if it was mine, when I got it, and who I got it from. I answered each question still wondering if I had ever met Officer Knuckle Buster's dog as he glared at me and was actually starting to look more agitated.

“This bike is bad.” Officer English said.

I looked at him curiously and started to make out what was going on for the first time in my ninety seconds of consciousness. They believed that my bike was stolen! I quickly assured them that it was not, that I bought it from another waygukin that had left in July and that he had purchased his bike from a motorcycle shop that most of the waygukins here frequent. I had talked to many people who actually went with him to get the bike when he first arrived. There was no question in my mind that he had obtained it legally.

I gathered that Officer Knuckle Buster did not share this view as he suddenly erupted in Hangul and began shoving his face into mine in a most drill instructor-like way. Here was a higher-ranking officer making loud charges against a person who (as it was already clarified by now) could not speak Hangul and was standing in his underwear in the middle of the street. I smiled at the thought of the scene.

I should not have smiled.

Officer Knuckle Buster grunted loudly and was just about to do or say something I knew I would have no problem understanding when Officer English jumped between us and asked for my director's number, knowing that she could help translate. Now, with most directors of English Hagwons this would be true, but I was currently teaching my director English and we had not quite breached International Law yet. I requested that I be allowed back upstairs to my apartment where I could get my cell phone (and some pants as it was starting to get drafty).

I returned with the keys to the scooter and displayed that I had the correct keys as Officer English called up director. I apologized to Officer Knuckle Buster for not understanding his language as he continued to shower me with spittle from his angry mouth. I resisted a look of resentment but it did not seem to be enough. I was grabbed once again by the arm and led into the back of the police vehicle. Officer English hopped on my scooter and (in a most unnerving way) undid my lock with a tool in less time then it would have been to use the key. As Officer Knuckle Buster drove me to the police station I started calling my friends who may have known Charlie, the guy I bought the scooter from in the first place. Everyone confirmed my belief that he got the scooter from the Bike Shop as we pulled into the police station where I was led to the front office. They asked me if I had my passport and I half-scoffed (catching the sight of Officer Knuckle Buster in time to see him raise an angry eyebrow) and explained that it was in my apartment and that I barely had enough time to put on pants before I was taken away. Luckily I had my Alien Registration Card. On the card was my visa validation date that proved to be very useful in absolving any guilt I might have had in their eyes.

Apparently the bike had been stolen in April 2004. I had only been here for three months. I had the sudden desire to wave my hand across the air and say, “This is not the waygukin you are looking for,” in my best Obi-Wan voice. I resisted this desire only because it dawned on me that I had been driving stolen property for the past few months.

My director arrived at the police station and gave me an anxious look as she carried on a conversation with the police officers. I felt horrible as she waged a war for my innocence knowing that she had been torn away from her life simply because of my poor consumer choices. I thought everything was going well and that I would soon be able to leave the police station and go home, sans scooter. I was wrong. I was taken once again to the back of the cop car and we drove off. I caught my director's eyes as we left and a ball of shame appeared in my stomach. I looked down like so many of my students do when they cannot muster an answer to a question I'd asked them.

It wasn't until we arrived at the downtown police station that I was told that they knew I “had no guilt” and that we were here to file an official report. We walked into a room with the sign Violent Crimes Investigation Unit. The room was bustling with activity; people were screaming at officers, officers were screaming back and then all went quiet as suddenly they saw a bearded waygukin enter the room. I suppressed my smile this time wondering what they must have thought was happening with me.

Officer English and Officer Knuckle Buster bid me adieu and I was handed over to a new and even more comical civil servant. After about thirty seconds of speaking with him I had the distinct impression that he had learned English by watching bad detective movies.

“Once you tell us the TRUTH, you can leave!!” he bellowed at me as he leaned over the desk.
“You have rights, oh yes, but the RIGHTFUL owner of this property has rights, too!!!” he answered when I innocently asked, “When can we start?”

It was then that I saw my shining beacon of hope: my director entered with one my Korean teachers who spoke English! All fear of being misstated disappeared and I silently thanked God.

I began relaying my answers to questions about my involvement with said scooter through Michelle, my savior of bilingual ability. Only after a few loaded questions did things start to roll along and we made our full report. They printed out a copy of the report for me to sign and thumbprint multiple times. I asked if I could have a copy of it myself but was shot down. I was finally able to return home via my director.

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It is now Monday evening and I am typing this in darkness. I awoke once again to the chirping of my doorbell (this time at 2 am). Typhoon Nabi (butterfly in Hangul) is currently on its way in to town and my landlady thought it best to wake her tenants up to make sure all electrical appliances were unplugged in case of a surge. Personally, I was glad it wasn't the police again. I want to assure everyone that Nabi will be nowhere near the storm Katrina was, but I will be safe and keep you all up to date once it blows over. At least I don't have to worry about my scooter being swept away by the wind...